She was 8 then.
She had gone out with her Daddy, her tiny morsel of a hand clinging onto his big paw as she happily trotted beside him.
She always loved this ‘alone-time’ with him…they always had this heart to heart talk which helped her understand her reticent father better than when they were in the oppressive confines of their home.
‘Dad? …’ She was hesitant, not sure how to put in words what had been on her mind for quite a while now.
‘Yes, my princess?’ her Dad replied back in that happy, indulgent tone.
That assured her, gave her the confidence she needed.
‘Why do we three never go out together?” , she asked in a soft, still-slightly-hesitant tone.
Till then her Dad had been smiling, expecting her to flummox him, like she always did, with some perfectly simple but difficult-to-answer question that her ever-inquisitive mind had managed to come up with!
Well, the question apparently did more than just that...
The smile on his face froze and then...vanished. He grew sober, then angry. She knew he was angry by the way he clenched his fists, furrowed his eyebrows. She immediately regretted asking the question.
‘Because your mother doesn't want to…
She is…
She never…
She won’t…
…’
the allegations went on; the bitterness came bounding out…
The girl first looked surprised, frightened…and then, as her Dad went on spewing his grievances, her hopes received a jolt…she had always known that something was amiss…but this time, she had a feeling – things were never going to be ‘normal’…
==================================================
She was 12 then.
It was an unusual day. On returning from school, she had enveloped her mother in a bear hug, driven by a sudden impulse and her mother had not pulled away; enough to make the day an ‘unusual’ one for her.
She rested her tired head on her mother’s shoulders and just listened as her mother went on and on about how some distant cousin of hers had aced some particularly difficult exam and was going places now.
She was happy, plain happy to enjoy the physical proximity to that one woman, that most important woman she found so difficult to understand.
Suddenly, her mother’s voice grew angry. She hadn't really been paying attention till now to what her mother had been saying, since she was too busy enjoying the togetherness, the warmth…now the change of tone shook her out of her bliss…stray words entered her ears…
“And look at your father…
He never tried…
Better job…”
She froze…something 'broke'…
=================================================
She was 18 now.
She had taken her parents out for dinner. She had taken up a part time job, after passing her school certificate examinations. It would be a while before the results got published and so this had seemed like a good opportunity to make some quick money.
It was a posh restaurant. Everyone spoke in hushed voices and when the food was served, the most perfect table manners came into play. The three of them were no different. On second thoughts…they were! They were the only ones not smiling, and looking ill at ease. No, not even fake smiles; the ones her parents put on at special events and parties were missing. She looked at them.
She made one last effort.
She smiled a warm, earnest, pleading smile, her eyes brimming over with hot, sad tears. They froze. They didn't know how to comply with her mute pleas. They loved her…but how could they, after all these years…
The girl turned away her face…she wouldn't show them her tears, she wouldn't give them more reasons to loathe each other…it was then that she saw them…a baby girl lisping her nursery rhymes, and her parents listening to her with rapt attention, their faces lit up with an inexplicable joy.
Something SNAPPED.
She laughed…she just laughed…a loud, raucous laughter…disapproving glances, shocked looks nothing could restore her sense of decorum…she just threw back her head, and laughed and laughed and laughed...
